I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
