On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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