His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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