The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
