if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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