My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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