Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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