my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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