I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
