So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
