To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
