my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
