I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
