it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
