My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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