meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
