So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
