OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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