I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
