Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
