In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You need a sexual gate keeper
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
