seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize