I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
