So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
