Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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