I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
