just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
