she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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