you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
