I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
