I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
