Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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