Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
