I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
