he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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