I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
