He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
