so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
