There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
