Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
