these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
