It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
