Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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