just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
third nipple confirmed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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