well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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