I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
