wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
