I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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