Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
