Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
