So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
