Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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