The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She bit a glass in half.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
