He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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