He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
