were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
