there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
