she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
be right there i have to get my cape
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
