so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
