it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
