i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
