Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
