some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
