Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
