Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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