You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
