whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
